Health,
made
stupidly
simple.
You didn't even drink that much. And yet — standup is at nine, your camera is staying off, and you're praying nobody asks you a direct question. That's not a character flaw, it's acetaldehyde. We dosed for it properly.
What's actually in it
No fluff
DHM (Dihydromyricetin)
1,000mg — the full clinical dose, not the 300mg everyone hides
+ 8 more actives
milk thistle, L-cysteine, prickly pear, theanine, ginger, zinc carnosine, B-complex, S. boulardii
Serving size
1 sachet (3 gummies), before bed. That's the whole protocol.
"Proprietary blend"
none. we don't do those.
The actual problem
You've done this before.
01
The 9am you already regret
You said one drink. It was not one drink. Standup is in six hours and you'll be there — camera off, saying "sounds good" to things.
02
Sunday, cancelled
Gym skipped, washing untouched, it's 4pm and your only real achievement today has been staying horizontal. Monday starts a day behind.
03
"I'm never drinking again"
Sworn at 3am. Forgotten by Thursday. A sentence with a genuinely perfect record of not being true — so we built for the Thursday instead.
None of this is a willpower problem. It's a dose problem.
01
Say what's in it
Full doses, real forms, zero hidden blends. The label is the whole story.
02
Say what it does
One plain sentence per ingredient. No vibes, no "supports wellness."
03
Prove it
Independent testing on every batch, published — including the unglamorous numbers.
In stock · 30 sachets
MORON AFTER
Nine actives across three jobs — the hangover, your gut, and the sleep alcohol keeps wrecking. One sachet before bed. Because "I'm never drinking again" has a 100% failure rate and we'd rather build for what you'll actually do.
$69
or $59 on subscription · $1.97 a night
See the full label
We named it
MORON
because you shouldn't have to be a genius to understand what you're putting in your body.
MORON
.
health
Health, made stupidly simple. Full doses, plain words, lab results attached.
These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Not a hangover cure — just the stuff a night out drains, put back.
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